Tag: second life

Darkwolf Lounge is now Stray Cat Lounge

Back when I first decided I wanted my own club, I decided to name it Stray Catz Club. I had bought things for the club, set it up, but never officially launched it. Every place I moved after that, I brought Stray Catz with me, with new appearances for each location it moved to. I never had any DJs for it, and I didn’t know how to stream music, so I never really got it off the ground.

I did have periodic events for friends and family, but there was no DJ for it, just dancing to whatever stream we decided to play. Only one time did we have a live performer as a special event for my birthday. Aside from that, it was just friends getting together to dance and have a good time.

Then, in June of 2016, I started looking into becoming a DJ myself, and trying to get my club going again. My wife and Mistress, Lola Darkwolf, gave me the extra kick I needed to get things going, and I rebuilt Stray Catz as Darkwolf Lounge. I started small on my sim, with a handful of regulars. There were times it was empty and times that we were nearly to capacity. No matter what the crowd size, it was always fun to do my Saturday afternoon sets.

It wasn’t until moving to Chi Tau City that things really began to pick up for the club. I tried to keep the atmosphere mostly the same as I wanted back when I first thought of having a club, but being located on a sim devoted to sex, there were bound to be some significant changes along the way.

Unfortunately, one of those changes was the breakup of myself and Lola. While we are still friends, there is some discomfort there with the association of Darkwolf to a sim as heavily focused on sex as it is. So, it was decided to return the club back to a variation of its original name. This time, it is known as Stray Cat Lounge.

It isn’t easy to change everything, as we would want to get the membership of the group switched over, so we are still making announcements in both groups, and hoping to transition people over over time. It is a disappointment to have to do it, but at the same time, returning to the Stray Cat name does seem like a good idea overall.

A New Beginning

So, last week, I wrote about the breakup with Lola Wolf. It was a very difficult and painful decision, and both of us were hurt. We both knew it was the right decision, though. Now, we aren’t looking at it as a breakup, but simply a change in the status of our relationship. No longer Mistress/sub/wives, but best friends. I’m so glad that the friendship is still there and strong. We will still spend time together when we see each other, and still keep in touch through email. The breakup was a terrible thing, but in the end, it all worked out for the better. So, now instead of the end, it is a new beginning, with a renewed friendship, and we’re both happy.

This is the End

On March 16, 2015, I met Lola Wolf for the first time. We connected quickly and on March 19, I accepted her collar. We were married on June 6, 2015. Today, it has ended, and we’re both broken over it.

Before January of last year, she and I were able to see each other almost every day, even if it was just an hour a day. Then I moved and got a new job, and everything got turned upside down. Our time difference made it very difficult for us to be together, but we did everything we could to make it work. Unfortunately, everything we tried didn’t work. Not for lack of trying, not for lack of love for each other. It just proved to be too much. So, I made the very difficult decision to end things.

I hated doing it. I felt terrible. I was hurting, and I knew she was hurt by it too. I frequently told her “Always and Forever” and I meant it. I still do love her, more than I could express, and never wanted to end things. That’s why I tried so hard to make things work, but I don’t think it was fair to either of us. I don’t know if I was right or wrong to make that call, but the call was made. It is over now, but despite that, I will never stop loving her.

I love you, Mistress Lola Wolf, always and forever.

 

Store Updates

I’m starting to get out of my depression a little more, finally. Now I’m trying to get back on track with my store. Ultimately, I want to redo some of my older mesh models, improve upon my earlier works, but if I wait until I’m ready to do that, my store will never be updated. So, I’ve spent part of the weekend creating a new vendor to use with CasperVend for my store. I’m now slowly migrating my existing products to the new vendors with updated LMs, updating the Marketplace listings, and updating my new blog as each product is being readded. I’m using the date from the original blog post to keep things aligned. The first product has been updated, the rainbow bangles. These are just simple prim bangles that work with any avatar, and are only L$5 for the pair.

Darkwolf Sim Update

On Monday, I mentioned that my homestead in Second Life was almost completely torn down to make room for changes that were already underway. Well, most of the week has been spent in world working on the sim. Except for my store area, everything in the sim is pretty much done. I didn’t really create anything new, a couple simple mesh objects, but most of what I did was reuse what I already had. Even better was the fact that I could do all this without affecting the existing Wonderland Glade that was created by my SL sister, Indy.

First Level: Wonderland Glade and Docks

The Wonderland Glade is a beautiful forested valley in one corner of the sim that was created by Indygo Moonbeam. That area remained untouched by the changes, but the rest of the sim was terraformed so that it was all water. This made a nice large area for sailing or jetskiing. So, to accommodate that, I created a small dock in which the boat and jetski are located. In addition, I decided to put out the 7Seas Fishing game for any who might enjoy using it.

Wonderland Docks

Entrance to Wonderland Glade

Wonderland Glade

Second Level: Darkwolf Boardwalk and Lounge

The Boardwalk and Lounge was moved up to the second level, and turned to face the west. The old club rez area remained intact, so that all the scenes I previously created were still usable in the new area. The lounge backed up toward steep cliffs, that isolated it from the rest of the sim. Since there was the natural barrier there, the other side of the sim was left undecorated.

Darkwolf Lounge and Boardwalk

Darkwolf Lounge and Boardwalk

Third Level: TD Creations Mainstore (Coming Soon)

The third level of the sim is the future home of the TD Creations Mainstore. The store is a single level, having no ceiling, to allow for rezzing of the prefab homes. I still have a lot of work to do on this level, adding more landscaping so it doesn’t look quite as empty, as well as bringing my CasperVend systems over.

TD Creations Mainstore (Under Construction)

Fourth Level: Darkwolf Isle (Our Home)

The home of Lola, Trasee and Kee Darkwolf is isolated from direct teleports. The only access is by being teleported by someone already in the home, or by the teleportation pads on the sim. It is also protected by a security orb so we can enjoy our privacy. The security orb will eject intruders after a warning, but won’t teleport them home, so anyone can still enjoy the sim, without disturbing our privacy.

Darkwolf Isle

Darkwolf Home

Fifth Level: Build Region

The highest level of the sim is the build region. It is where I can build new club scenes, designed to fit at Darkwolf Boardwalk, as well as build things for the store. There is a mirror of the boardwalk so components can be properly aligned as well as a checkered grass area for the store builds. A beach area in between contains a pose stand in the beach that I can use when I’m organizing outfits. As it is strictly a build area, there won’t be much in the way of landscaping on this level, which is why I selected a scene that looked nice enough without the need for the additional trees.

Build Region

All in all, I’m using somewhere in the neighborhood of 3000 prims. Hard to have an exact number, as each parcel has a separate group owner. I would guess that I’m not using quite that much. Since I still have the store to do, I will probably end just over that 3000 prim mark. That will still leave me with close to 2000 prims to work with. Looking at what I’ve been able to accomplish, I wonder now, do I really need to upgrade to a full sim in the future? It is still something to think about, but with this redesign, I’ve probably pushed it off until early next year, if at all.

Darkwolf Sim

Darkwolf Sim, at Camelot dAlliez, has been demolished. The cranes came in and picked up the buildings while the bulldozers leveled everything except one corner of the sim. Needless to say, it’s been a busy weekend.

So, what exactly happened? Well, I’ve still been fighting the depression. I had just started to get past it, when the rug got pulled out from beneath me. I became very busy, and with the struggle to deal with life and the limited time that resulted, my depression sunk me down again. By the end of last week, I was looking for a way to climb back up. So, creativity was what I felt like was needed.

First, I was looking into getting a full sim of my own, instead of renting the homestead from d’Alliez as I am currently. I have two weeks left at my current sim before I have to pay again, which would have given me time to move things to the new sim. I’ve been wanting my own full sim with the maximum 30000 LI and full control for a long time. There is so much I could build and design on a full sim, and never have to worry about prim counts.

I thought things through for a while, looked at monthly costs and setup fees. I know I can afford it, but should I do it? Should I just wait for Sansar later this year? What would I do if it didn’t work out? Could I do anything with my existing homestead and a maximum of 5000 LI? I must have spent two or three hours debating before finally deciding that I couldn’t let my depression dictate my spending habits. I need to wait to get a new sim, if I get one at all.

After that decision was made, the next decision was what to do at my sim. I want to make changes, consolidate everything to my sim. How was I going to do that, though? I had bought the fatpack of all sim surrounds from Landscape Unlimited a few months back (Black Friday, if I recall). I started looking at those, both land and sky, to see what options I had. So, after several more hours of rezzing one after the other, I finally made my decision.

One corner of my sim has the Glade. This was a wooded area that was created by my SL sister, Indy. I wanted to see if I could preserve that. But my caverns (never completed), club, and home could go away. Instead, what I would do is move the club and home to separate levels in the sky, using the sim surrounds to make it appear that it was at ground level, while the actual ground was leveled, except for the Glade.

The first level was set up as a beach backed up against steep island walls. I moved the club builds up to that level, instead of recreating the buildings, and turned this into the new Darkwolf Lounge and Boardwalk.

The second level was a mountainous region with one level of the mountain set aside for the store. I created a very simple ground with four walls, and no ceiling, for the store. I built it in Blender, so it was only 3LI with the physics layer. I added my wrought iron fencing to the top of the walls for decoration. The reason it is open is for rezzing of the homes, as well as giving visibility to the mountains outside.

The third level was just a small beach with islands that wasn’t a full sim surround, but just tucked nicely into one corner of the sim. Just big enough for our small home, which I moved up from the ground as it was.

The fourth level was my build area, just an expanse of water with a copy of part of the club, so that I could design new club scenes if needed. Although that design might be revaluated for another sim surround, and my build area set up in that new surround. That’s something I’ll be looking at later.

Finally, I switched my sim from Adult to Moderate. As I’ll be moving the store to the sim, and nothing in the store is adult in nature, I don’t want to limit the possible visitors (not that I have many now anyways). The club won’t have any adult items, and while there may be nudity in the club, nudity is still allowed in Moderate sims. Flying is disabled on the sim, so the only way between the levels is through the teleport pads.

Hopefully, by the time I finish all this, I’ll be mostly back to normal, whatever normal is.

Sexuality

I have decided to start an adult version of my blog. This blog will contain more adult oriented themes and content. This is where I don’t have to watch what I say, and can be much more direct than I would be on my main blog. To start this blog out, I wanted to delve a little more into my thoughts on my sexuality.

Sexuality has often been a confusing topic for me. How people saw me and my sexuality, as well as how I saw myself, didn’t always align. In Second Life, I went from straight, to lesbian, to bisexual, to pansexual. I was often sexually active, sometimes overly so. I never wanted to be seen that way, though. I don’t know why that is the case because sexuality in the real world means nothing to me. I was never interested in porn or erotica. Seeing men or women never really excited me in any way, even if they were sexualized in one way or the other, such as in porn.

Recently, I started hearing more about asexuality. I saw several YouTube videos as well as some sites on the subject. I realized how close that sounded to me, that a lot of things in my life started to make sense. That still left me with another bit of confusion, though. If I’m asexual in life, then why does my Second Life sexuality seem so different? Is it because it is safer? Has some sort of unknown taboo been moved away? Or is it really sexuality at all, considering everything is text only and maybe some mutual masterbation?

Being asexual doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t have a sex drive. I may not get stimulated sexually by various situations in life, but I know that the release I can achieve from masterbation does feel good, and is relaxing. I can do it, and have done it, many times without thinking of anything sexual. For me the act of masterbation is just performed to get the release, and then I move on.

There are a lot of things I’ve thought about since first starting to hear about asexuality, to try to understand my behavior as best I can. First, I can tell in reality what makes a man handsome or a woman beautiful. Neither might turn me on, but I can see why others would be. I don’t look at the outside, though, I look at the personality. Someone could be beautiful on the outside, but have the personality of a beast. There can also be someone who isn’t beautiful by society’s standards, but their internal beauty far outweighs that. It is that quality that often gets me interested in someone, and wanting to be with them, even though I’m not looking for sex. Instead, I’m looking for love and companionship. Someone I can share time with, be with, and love without condition. The problem is, most people add sex as part of that love, and it is something I never understood, because I’m not wired that way.

How does all this translate into who I am online, and how different is it from what I’m learning about who I am offline? I make deep connections online and love very deeply. I want the companionship and the romantic love. Sex, despite appearances, was never anything I was actively looking for. Yet, because others were looking for it, I was brought into it as well. I don’t say this as a negative thing either, because I do enjoy it. It is the connection with the other person, the shared experience of it, provided the other person knows how to respond. In many cases, though, it is just an RP, a story I’m enjoying to tell with the other person. It doesn’t make it any less special for me, but it doesn’t sexually excite me. There are exceptions to this, though, especially when it comes to those I’m closest to. In those cases, there is the excitement and the masterbation that leads to the release at that time, or soon after.

If sex isn’t import to me in reality, then why is it important to me in Second Life? If I don’t get any excitement or masterbate most of the time, then why do I even bother? This, of course, is a hard question to answer, as many wouldn’t understand. I do enjoy those scenes, the interaction, knowing that I’m giving pleasure through what I write. Since the person is close to me, then it is my love for them that I want to share that with them and give them the pleasure they so desire. I am getting that connection and companionship that I’m longing for at the same time.

Of course, there’s also the negative aspects to it as well. When I’m fighting my depression, I might have sex with a random stranger just to dull my depression. Thinking it is something “fun” to do, even though it really means nothing to me. There’s usually no connection there, on either side. If my depression is really bad, though, I might go seeking out rape style sex, because I feel like I need that done to me. It isn’t a good thing to do, I know, and fortunately I haven’t done that in quite a while. None of these actions come with any sort of masterbation or release, and the latter is just used to act out my internal pain.

A lot has been written here, but what is the end result? How does this all align with my sexuality, both online and away from the computer? Are they really as different as they appear to be? I think my answer to that would be no, they aren’t different. I’m asexual, but not aromantic. I desire love and companionship. Whether it is male or female, it doesn’t matter to me, although my preference usually leans toward women. Sex online is a way to make that connection deeper. I don’t need to masterbate at the time but depending on who I’m with, or how I’m feeling, I might do it. In addition, the scene unlocks my creativity, which is something that always makes me happy.