“Who are YOU?” said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I—I hardly know, sir, just at present—at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
by Lewis Carroll
Welcome to Trasee’s Furventures in Second Life. Feel free to relate it to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, if you desire, as the madness between them does seem fairly comparable. I’m Trasee; your hostess, narrator, protagonist and sometimes even the antagonist in this story. How can I be all those things? Well, I think I did mention something about madness.
Trasee Darkwatch is the name that I was given when I came into my Second Life. Kitty, pet, little one, ane, sis, among other names and terms of endearment have been given to me by others in my life. Those names and titles are but a part of who I am.
“Who are you?” The caterpillar asks of me. My answer is similar to that of Alice. “I know who I was when I came to Second Life, but I have changed several times since then.” My furventures into Second Life is a journey of self-discovery. I’m regularly changing and hopefully growing. I’m certainly not who I was yesterday, and who I am tomorrow will most likely be different still. Those in my life here help mold me and shape me, for better or for worse. The pains and the joys, the triumphs and the failures, they all play into who I am.
I’m a shapeshifter. I entered my Second Life as a human. I soon realized I was more than just that. I had an animal inside of me, struggling to find its place, just as I was. Was it a tiger? Perhaps a cheetah? Maybe it was a fox, or perchance a civet. No, it was certainly a feline: an ocelot, or so it seemed. Now, I realize it was a snow leopardess that was hiding inside. Of course, there was also the neko inside, half way between my human and feline forms. Is that what I’ll be tomorrow? I can’t say for certain. I’ve learned that who I am is not always what I might think today.
I’m flirtatious and teasing. Despite that, my desire usually isn’t for sex. If you’re looking for sex, you’ll want to look somewhere else. I’m looking to enjoy my time, building, dancing, shopping, talking and laughing. I love and care very deeply. I’m very emotional. Those I call friends are very dear to me. I want to be there for them. I want to help them. I wish I could be there for everyone I call friend, but sometimes I’m drawn too thin, and things fall through the cracks. I love quickly and I love deeply. It’s hard for me to let go. I don’t feel that my love needs to be limited to one. Contrary to what some believe, that love does not always mean sex.
I am submissive, but not always a good one. I’ve been told I have a dominant side, but I don’t really see that in myself. I struggle with my own self-worth, and sometimes become a doormat with my own desire to find my worth pleasing another. I often struggle to say no when it is necessary, and suffer in silence. This is an area that I am trying to grow in, and learning with the help of friends and family. What I am today, I am hoping will not remain tomorrow.
I am a programmer, a scripter, a photographer, a designer, a builder. I love to create for the sake of creating. I destroy in order to let off steam and release the pain inside. The destruction always leads to a new period of creative energies, the phoenix rising from the ashes. I’m a geek girl, and proud to be that. Imagination and creativity are my fuel, and I love to be inspired.
Here, in the digital world of 1 and 0, you’ll learn more about me. Things you want to know, and things you probably never wanted to know. You’ll learn more about my family. You’ll hear about my friends. You will hear about things that excite me, and things that disappoint me. Then there will be periods of silence, where you will hear nothing from me at all. Don’t worry, though, that silence, when it comes, won’t last. It never does. Fair warning, though, unlike Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, my story is not being written for children.
With that said, please come through the looking glass and join me for tea. You’re more than welcome here.